I had read that week 6 was a crying peak and was so nervous about the unknown of what this would be like. Last week Grace was crying non-stop, it felt like, even through the night. One night she was up 1-4 am crying and feeding and I wasn’t sure what was wrong (again, I wish she could tell me). From what I had read and from watching her, she looked like she was in pain from gas and constipation. She was pooing every 2-3 days and I felt it when she went bright red, arching her back and crying. Honestly, when she pooed, I felt lighter!!!

I took Grace to a chiropractor, the same one who I went to align my pelvis and spine in preparation for birth. It’s not back and neck cracks on a baby, don’t worry, but she noticed discomfort and tension on one side of Grace, which she adjusted and the next day Grace pooed, TWICE! And I mean two poonamis….it was amazing!

It was also noticed that Grace actually might have a lip and tongue tie and she might not be feeding as efficiently as she should be from me. This explains why she has been feeding on and off for a couple of hours at a time on some days. I thought it was just a cluster feed but I think it’s been more the way she’s been feeding, so I’m off to a tongue tie specialist to confirm and potentially get it snipped 🙈. I am so nervous, I hate seeing Grace cry….like the bright red, can barely breathe cry - it is so heartbreaking and I sometimes just cry with her and hold her tight until she’s calmed down (or feed her, which usually helps). So we are continuing with top-up feeds and I’m now pumping a lot more to keep supply up and we can give her a breast milk bottle and KNOW she is getting enough. Now I have a couple of good pumps, but nothing is like the industrial bad boys in the hospital! I miss those. Breastfeeding is so tough and mentally draining….so I want to make sure I get the right support.

Last week was the first week by myself without Mum and Rob around but it was okay, I definitely was out of my comfort zone though. I went to John Lewis for a coffee with friends and Grace was feeding near enough the whole time and then had an absolute meltdown, so I went to the nursing room at John Lewis and she fell asleep on me and as soon as she was back in the pram, she screamed! This was the first meltdown I had experienced in public. I would stop every so often to try and calm her but then run to get to the car and hope no one was looking/judging. You do think people look at you and just want to say ‘oh just pick your baby up’ or ‘she’s hungry!!’ or something else and anyway, this was going through my head the whole 3 minutes I was racing to my car. And Grace did not stop until we got home and fed her. This is when I realised there wasn’t something quite right about the feeding. So I am hoping we will get this bit sorted as soon as possible.

I did go to the Gloucestershire Breastfeeding Support network meet up and it was so lovely! I was measured and got some great nursing bras and met lovely people and we all sat around and fed our babies and got support where we needed it. So I’ll definitely be doing that more!!

I am now patiently waiting on this first social smile from Grace! I know she was 6 weeks premature but after lots of discussions with people, it turns out her development won’t be that delayed so I’m hoping I’ll get this cute little smile soon!!!

New things achieved this week:
1. We went to a wedding! A beaut wedding. Grace nearly made the whole ceremony without crying, I had to leave the church 10 minutes before the end.
2. I went to a breastfeeding support group without knowing anyone apart from my friend from NCT.
3. I got through Grace’s first public meltdown.
4. I got out everyday to see a friend or friends.

Until next week…. Xx